Welcome to a rarely seen inside look at the Cul-de-sac Jungle daily security briefing. It’s this kind of interactive communication with the board chair that enables the Suburban Wundermutt and Feline Blizzard to continue to maintain a varment-free zone!
In lieu of the recent developments between North and South Korea, the Suburban Wundermutt makes an effort to reinforce the friendly alliance we’ve built with our neighbors to the north. The Canada goose, however, is not as open to pavement diplomacy. Apparently Beggin’ Strips are not always acceptable as an international currency.
And in the early going the score is Pollen -1, Suburban Wundermutt – 0. Spring has sprung and lying on the pollen-covered back deck of his lair gives the Suburban Wundermutt an unexpected dust bath from ears to tail. This would have been great if he were a Chinchilla.
As the Suburban Wundermutt repairs his image following the “Beggin’ Strip Affair”, as it came to be known, his diet has expanded to more healthful pursuits. Vegetables have become part of this expansion and the wax bean has found its place as the dominant legume. Green beans and peanuts are also favorites although our canine crusader prefers the latter in a spread. And who doesn’t like watching a dog eat peanut butter? It’s highly entertaining and a great source of protein for our furry friend. Choosy mutts choose Jif!
For the past three years the Suburban Wundermutt has entertained friends, neighbors, and viewers of his website with his adventures in the Cul-de-sac Jungle. Along with local wayward deer, ground hogs, the Shih Tzu next door, and his newly formed partnership with the Feline Blizzard, he’s lived a life of fun and frolicking… envied by many and replicated by few.
(Insert slow, serious, haunting Bill Kurtis voice) But every happy story has a dark side… a seedy side no one talks about out in the open. And now… that side has come to light. For all that we know about the Canine Crusader… there’s more… much more… that lurks…….. in the shadows.
For many years the Suburban Wundermutt has been living a life that so many dogs would covet. But now… the truth comes out. Because you see… not everything… is as it seems. Every day brings new challenges, new adventures, new journeys. And with it comes a treat at the end of the day. Buzy Bones and Denta-sticks are a common staple of the Suburban Wundermutt’s diet. But the most coveted treat of all… the one treat that stands above all others… is the Beggin’ Strip. This thin strip of bacon flavored wheat flour and soy grits is the stuff of legend in the Cul-de-sac Jungle….. or is it?
Because now an ugly truth… has been revealed. For so many years the Suburban Wundermutt teased and tantalized us all with the thought of how delightful a Beggin’ Strip can be. When in fact… he wasn’t eating a Purina Beggin’ Strip at all. Instead… the chewy delight that so many millions (OK dozens) of adoring fans thought he was enjoying was instead a cheap knock-off. The Suburban Wundermutt has been eating….. Ol’ Roy Bark’n Bac’n strips from Walmart! DUH… DUH… DUHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Slowly and steadily, our Canine Compadre has been stealthily going to doggie rehab in an effort to repair his tarnished image and work his way back to a good place where a dog is not judged by the treat he covets but instead by the goodness of his heart and the pureness of his intentions. History may be kind to this Tri-colored tail-wagger, but now times are tough for the dog known as the Suburban Wundermutt. As he wearily rests in his lair he dreams of one day putting it all behind him where a dog can be a dog and a treat can be anything he wants… as long as it contains fillers and artificial flavoring.
The long bitter winter can consume some inhabitants of the Cul-de-sac Jungle but the Suburban Wundermutt is unfazed. He will dig as deep as two inches in the driving, drifting snow to find a buried treat. In the deep woods he has traveled as far as two hundred yards to seek out and uncover buried treasure in the form of Beggin’ Strips, Busy Bones, or Denta Sticks. The serious look he maintains reminds us all of how dangerous the wild can be. Stay strong our tri-colored canine compradre. The lure and warmth of spring is not far away.
Venturing outside together, the Suburban Wundermutt and Feline Blizzard inspect the perimeter of the Cul-de-sac Jungle for signs of intruders. With deer mating season here it takes a tandem effort to sniff out potential interlopers. Running fast and jumping high is not enough to escape their wrath. To call them relentless is an understatement.
Caption #1: Ahhh yes… right there. Maybe a little to the right. Perfect! You can scratch my belly all day.
Caption #2: Wait… what? You’re finished? Huh? Hold on! You can’t be done yet. My leg hasn’t started kicking for no reason. Where’s my Beggin’ Strip? Please don’t be finished yet. Oh the horror!!
The Suburban Wundermutt is the enforcer. The Feline Blizzard manages the operation. They are the Dynamic Duo of the Cul-de-sac Jungle. Not to be underestimated by any foe, they form a most unlikely bond. As Bill Murray described with uncanny accuracy in Ghostbusters: “Dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!!”
“Uh… no. I will not be wearing that hat!”
Happy seventh birthday to the Suburban Wundermutt! That’s 49 to you and me. Hopefully an impending mid life crisis can be avoided.
The Suburban Wundermutt 