The Suburban Wundermutt is not particularly enamored with Valentine’s Day. He is not lost on the sentiment as dogs give unconditional love and it’s next to impossible to find someone who can out-love them. But the practical purpose of the day just doesn’t work.
Having been purposely ill-equipped years ago (not of his own choosing) to “feel the love,” as it were, he doesn’t identify with the physical closeness of the season. Oh sure, he’s humped a few legs on occasion but it’s more of a going through the motions type of thing. And the blank look he gives is akin to the empty stare on the face of a cat after it bolts across a room at 70 miles per hour for no apparent reason.
Then, of course, there’s the candy and specifically chocolate… AKA Canine Kryptonite. What a treat. What a torturous and tempting treat… one which he will fight to turn down. Curse you Hershey, Nestle, Ghirardelli, and the like. You’ve got a great ballgame going here and it’s a ruthless conspiracy!
Instead, he will unleash himself (get it?) from the decorative trappings of the February 14th love-fest and look ahead to St. Patrick’s Day which will test his patience to wait a whole month. Corned beef and cabbage, green Beggin’ Strips (do they have those?) and the fellowship and merriment that comes with the chance to blow the froth off a couple. Plus, there are very few Leprechauns who can outrun him!
The Suburban Wundermutt 